Relationships: A Mess Worth Making

I'm doing it. I'm taking the plunge and reading this book. It's been recommended to me by my best friend (who has been through plenty of "messy times" with me) and a few others.
I just started reading this. It's good. It's hard. I really DON'T like some of it, but I know that what the authors are saying is true. I'd like to just take an "Exacto Knife" and cut some of the things out of the book but those are the sections I need the most.
We're actually going to start a small group (of ladies) to read/study this book together. I'm hoping it will be good, but it could get "messy"!
So many things come down to just the basics, like, being kind, giving people room to grow, FORGIVING (that's sometimes a hard one for me!), giving grace to people instead of judgment and condemnation, being patient, etc.
Sadly, I find more grace and love coming from those who do not happen to share my faith in God. AND, unfortunately... from those who call themselves Christians I quite often find judgment, condemnation, and whatever is the opposite of love and grace. Hmmmm. (And I do my share of dishing it out, too.)
Jesus said the world will know we are HIS by the love we have for each other. What does the world see, then, when they look at "the church" and see people gossiping, judging, condemning?
I have a lot to learn. This book is challenging me and scaring me at the same time. When relationships get messy I want to just run the other way. True love and commitment shows in people who stay in a relationship (whether it's friendship or marriage or family, or church) and work through the messy stuff.
So, (deep breath)... here I go.