Thursday, November 5, 2009

Pet Diaries - part II

From a cat's diary:
Day  983 of my captivity...

My captors  continue to taunt me with bizarre little  dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on  fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are  fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the  rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat  something in order to keep up my  strength.  The only thing that keeps me  going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the  carpet. 
Today I decapitated a mouse and  dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into  their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what  I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little  hunter' I am.  Bastards.
There was  some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary  confinement for the duration of the event   However, I could hear the noises and smell  the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I  must learn what this means and how to use it to  my advantage.
Today I was almost  successful in an attempt to assassinate one of  my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he  was walking.  I must try this again  tomorrow -- but at the top of the  stairs.
I am convinced that the other  prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges He is  regularly released - and seems to be more than  willing to return.  He is obviously  retarded.
The bird has got to be an  informant.  I observe him communicating  with the guards regularly.  I am certain  that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an  elevated cell, so he is safe.  For  now................


Maureen said...

OMG...that is absolutely hysterical, I am in tears!!!

Where on earth did you find this?

Jeano said...

It came in a friend's email a few days ago. I couldn't stop laughing when I read it!