Thursday, November 5, 2009

Pet Diaries - part II



From a cat's diary:
Day  983 of my captivity...

My captors  continue to taunt me with bizarre little  dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on  fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are  fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the  rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat  something in order to keep up my  strength.  The only thing that keeps me  going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the  carpet. 
Today I decapitated a mouse and  dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into  their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what  I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little  hunter' I am.  Bastards.
There was  some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary  confinement for the duration of the event   However, I could hear the noises and smell  the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I  must learn what this means and how to use it to  my advantage.
Today I was almost  successful in an attempt to assassinate one of  my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he  was walking.  I must try this again  tomorrow -- but at the top of the  stairs.
I am convinced that the other  prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges He is  regularly released - and seems to be more than  willing to return.  He is obviously  retarded.
The bird has got to be an  informant.  I observe him communicating  with the guards regularly.  I am certain  that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an  elevated cell, so he is safe.  For  now................

2 comments:

Maureen said...

OMG...that is absolutely hysterical, I am in tears!!!

Where on earth did you find this?

Jeano said...

It came in a friend's email a few days ago. I couldn't stop laughing when I read it!