This is the book I'm reading now. I tell ya, I thought the first part of parenting was challenging. This next phase is even harder. The French have a phrase "Deformation profesionnelle" (like the default on a computer... like when you continue to do something that you've done for so many years.) I can't seem to stop being the mom I always have been for my "away at college" son.
We haven't talked to him since we got back home last Sunday. I see him on Facebook from time to time (o.k. I'm stalking him on there, what can I say?). I miss that every day contact with him.
As my daughter quoted on Facebook, if there were not changes we would not have butterflies. So true. But sometimes I just like the cocoon.
I hear this phrase a lot lately. With so many changes the old "normal" isn't normal any more. Life is about changes and adjustments. I guess if there aren't changes then we become stagnant. With Joseph away now at school we are adjusting to life with a family of 5 at home. It's strange. But, this is a normal part of life and I am so THRILLED for where Joseph is and what he is experiencing and will experience.
One of the many wonderful moments of the weekend at Cedarville was when the incoming Freshman class (of 1000 students) sat in the middle of the chapel and the parents stood around them and prayed for them. The president of the college reminded us "They (our kids) are not yours any way! God loves them far more than you ever could." We also had the privilege and joy of meeting the school of pharmacy professors. They told us (as we gathered) that they have been praying for each of the 48 new pharmacy students since they were accepted into the school. Can I say it again? We are THRILLED for where Joseph is! Academically the school is one of the top schools in the country. Spiritually, the atmosphere is wonderful. Joseph will be nurtured and challenged.
All of this makes this "new normal" okay.
I'll post this for now and write more about our trip later. We're home. Joseph is settled in his new home. It was a good/emotional trip. Life is full of transitions.
Joseph has one BIG suitcase packed and still has stuff piled around the family room to fit in "somewhere".
I had a minor meltdown last night. I'm on the verge of tears most of the time now. Joseph seems fine and his eagerness and excitement (along with the fact that Uncle Bob and Aunt Dianne live 10 minutes away from the college) help me a LOT!
I am so thrilled for his future and know he will do exceedingly well. It's just that he's going to be SO far away!
I'm getting very nostalgic as I start packing up Joseph's stuff.I'm remembering every phase of his life... his birth, his first steps, his first words (which came way before first steps), the first day of Kindergarten, the first day of High School....
Then, I just heard this song on a CD. That did it.
I need to go do something else or I'll use up all my tissues before tomorrow.
"You'll Be In My Heart"
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight
I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more
Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always
Today Joseph got a hard shell guitar case. We're almost (physically) ready. There's a stack of suitcases and "stuff" in the hallway. Tomorrow I finish doing laundry and shopping. This evening I was remember when we took the boys to summer camp for the first time. We were living in New Jersey and the camp was in Pennsylvania... a three hour drive away. I cried all the way home and then every time I went into their room and saw the empty beds I cried again. When we picked them up, Michael was really eager to come home. Joseph, on the other hand, didn't want to leave. They've kind of always been that way. Joseph is eager and ready for this new adventure. I figure on crying most of the way back from Ohio and for a while after we get home. I'm just geared up for that.
Today was the last worship service with Joseph for 4 months! (At least). It was the last family movie night together the other day. A lot of "lasts" around here but many more "firsts" coming... for Joseph and for us.
Three more days.
We shopped today. It was fun to see him pick out stuff for college and then but it with his own money!
We did buy him a big suitcase to help carry some of this stuff to Ohio. He is maturing and seems so excited (eager?) to enter this new phase of life.
Joseph and Michael got back today from being in the mountains with their uncle for a few days. They cut wood, cleared brush and got to use a chain saw! I'm so glad to have them back, but... it's hitting me now, we only have 5 more days together as a family. Tomorrow we shop for college stuff (not sure how we're paying for it!)... just Joseph and me.
I'm having a hard time...
I know lots of parents go through this, but this is a new feeling for me. I gave birth to this boy, watched him grow and change, and become a real gentleman. We are so VERY proud of him.
The things kids will do with hammocks! I was watching them from the kitchen window as they set these up. Next thing I know it looks like we've got four cocoons in the backyard! I love how they enjoy being together!
"How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along"
This morning we dropped off our youngest at her new school. She'll be a "Warrior" this year in middle school. In about 10 days one of our twins will start school at the local Junior College... he'll be a "Giant". A few days later, our 11th grader begins at a new school as a "Pioneer". Finally, we'll take our other twin son out to Ohio where he will begin college as a "Yellow Jacket". Four kids, four different schools.... four different starting days. No group picture this year... well, except for this one from the mountains.
1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me. 2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me. 3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.
Here’s Anti-Psalm 131 (by David Powlison)
Self,
my heart is proud (I’m absorbed in myself),
and my eyes are haughty (I look down on other people),
and I chase after things too great and too difficult for me.
So of course I’m noisy and restless inside, it comes naturally,
like a hungry infant fussing on his mother’s lap,
like a hungry infant, I’m restless with my demands and worries.
I scatter my hopes onto anything and everybody all the time"
I find myself more in the "anti-psalm" than in Psalm 131. I am praying, trusting, hoping and learning to REST in the Lord and leave "things too great for me" in His hands!
"It was to have been a prayer service and routine business meeting at the church in North Carolina where John (not his real name) served as pastor. But no sooner had the business meeting been called to order than a member of the congregation asked the pastor and his wife to leave the sanctuary while a sensitive matter was discussed.
Two hours later, John was informed that his tenure as pastor had been terminated, effective immediately. No charges had been brought against John’s character or doctrine, but he was not to go on the church property unless accompanied by one of the trustees. He would be given one month’s salary. The action by which John was terminated ignored the church’s constitution and bylaws.
Mark (Not his real name) endured the trauma of a volatile quarterly business meeting which focused on his effectiveness as pastor of the Virginia church he had served for five years. He and his wife were asked to leave the meeting and they waited in his study for two hours without an opportunity to respond to any statements made against his ministry.
Although he was not fired that night. Mark was told to look for another position immediately. The opposition, though a minority, let him know they would not give him long. The future of his ministry was thrust into uncertainty.
~~~
In an ideal world, the ‘marriage’ of church and pastor ought to be ‘for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer’. But we do not live in an ideal world. Sometimes divorce is the only option when this important relationship breaks down.
Today, it’s both easier and harder to be a pastor – and indeed any sort of church leader. It is easier for pastors because there are so many resources available to help him/her do a professional job. (See for example, ‘The Professional Pastor’ in Paul Beasley-Murray’s ‘A Call to Excellence’ , Hodder & Stoughton, 1995). But it’s harder for both pastors and church leaders primarily because churches are becoming more specific in their performance-expectations of their pastor, and more likely to initiate a termination if the pastor doesn’t meet those expectations. In a world of ‘performance standards’ or even ‘downsizing’, executives these days are disposable.
The key question we want to look at here is not whether that ought or ought not to happen, but _how_, given that the church is, theoretically, a Christian not-for-profit organization of volunteers. These factors add dimensions which make the whole issue very complex.
Of course, it’s very painful for both church and pastor – and the pastor’s family – when a pastor is ‘fired’, or ‘let go’. No one wins when a church feels forced to terminate the services of a minister or staff member. In many instances, not all church members favor the action or the process and tempers flare and often times a church split results. If forced terminations become the “norm” for a church, there is negative witness in the community, and sometimes that church gets a ‘name’ for crucifying its pastors. Pastoral associations have been known to formally or informally ‘black-list’ a church that gets this kind of reputation, and that church may find it difficult to find a suitable pastor."
"When Jesus finished commanding His twelve disciples . . . He departed from there to teach and to preach in their cities —Matthew 11:1
He comes where He commands us to leave. If you stayed home when God told you to go because you were so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself. When you obeyed and left all the consequences to God, the Lord went into your city to teach, but as long as you were disobedient, you blocked His way. Watch where you begin to debate with Him and put what you call your duty into competition with His commands. If you say, “I know that He told me to go, but my duty is here,” it simply means that you do not believe that Jesus means what He says. He teaches where He instructs us not to teach. “Master . . . let us make three tabernacles . . .” ( Luke 9:33 ).
Are we playing the part of an amateur providence, trying to play God’s role in the lives of others? Are we so noisy in our instruction of other people that God cannot get near them? We must learn to keep our mouths shut and our spirits alert. God wants to instruct us regarding His Son, and He wants to turn our times of prayer into mounts of transfiguration. When we become certain that God is going to work in a particular way, He will never work in that way again. He works where He sends us to wait. “. . . tarry . . . until . . .” (Luke 24:49 ). “Wait on the Lord” and He will work (Psalm 37:34 ). But don’t wait sulking spiritually and feeling sorry for yourself, just because you can’t see one inch in front of you! Are we detached enough from our own spiritual fits of emotion to “wait patiently for Him”? ( Psalm 37:7 ). Waiting is not sitting with folded hands doing nothing, but it is learning to do what we are told.
These are some of the facets of His ways that we rarely recognize."
